A Wife’s Right to Privacy and the Duty of Caring for Parents

A Wife’s Right to Privacy and the Duty of Caring for Parents

By: Dr Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Question:
I received the following question from my student Abu Hanifa Dilwar:
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāh, respected Shaykh.
In light of your article on a wife being entitled to a separate living space, there were many questions on the Bangla Facebook page, I have summarised below.
In Bangladesh, especially rural areas, extended families often live together due to financial constraints, and parents depend on sons and daughters-in-law for daily care. Some feel advising every couple to live separately is unrealistic and may seem disrespectful, while couples also need privacy and boundaries. How can Muslims balance living separately with fulfilling duties to parents and preserving family harmony?

Answer:
Wa ʿalaykum al-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh.
Your question raises an important issue that many Muslim families face, particularly in South Asia. Islam has laid down clear principles regarding the rights of the wife, the obligations of the husband, and the duties owed to parents. It is necessary to strike a balance between these responsibilities so that justice and harmony are preserved.

Firstly, in Islamic law, independent and private accommodation is the basic right of the wife. The Qurʾān instructs: “House them [your wives] where you dwell, according to your means” (al-Ṭalāq 65:6). This entails that a wife must have a private space in which she feels secure, dignified, and free from interference. Classical jurists, across the madhāhib, affirm that she is not required to live with her husband’s parents, siblings, or other relatives if that compromises her privacy and comfort.

Secondly, it should be emphasised that the wife has no legal obligation in Sharīʿah to serve or care for her parents-in-law. That responsibility lies entirely with their son, i.e., her husband. While it is praiseworthy and rewarded if she chooses to help them out of goodwill, it cannot be imposed upon her as a duty. Her primary responsibility is to her own husband and children.

Thirdly, the obligation of birr al-wālidayn (dutifulness to parents) is upon the children themselves. The Qurʾān commands kindness, respect, and care for one’s parents (al-Isrāʾ 17:23). This does not mean transferring the duty onto the daughter-in-law; rather, the son himself must take practical measures to provide for and care for his parents, whether personally, financially, or by arranging suitable assistance.

At the same time, wisdom and sensitivity are essential in societies where extended families often live together. Abrupt separation without due care for parents may cause resentment or misunderstandings. Therefore, the husband should strive to provide his wife with her independent space, whether a separate home or, if means are limited, a self-contained portion within the family property, while continuing to fulfil his obligations to his parents with compassion and responsibility.

This balanced approach safeguards the dignity of the wife, secures the rights of the parents, and preserves harmony within the family.

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