When Living with In-Laws Becomes a Test: An Islamic Perspective on a Wife’s Rights

When Living with In-Laws Becomes a Test: An Islamic Perspective on a Wife’s Rights

By: Dr Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Question:
Assalāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh,

This question is in response to the article posted yesterday on the Bangla Facebook page about a son residing with his parents after marriage.

I have been married for three years and live with my husband in his parents’ home. From the beginning of my marriage, I have been under constant instruction from my in-laws and my husband — with no time or space for myself. Day and night, I have to follow orders, to the point that my body and mind are exhausted. I have no peace in sleep, no appetite, and no independence. It feels like I am moving and working like a machine all the time.

I have endured this silently for years, but now my health has deteriorated and I feel I can no longer bear it. In this situation, what is the Islamic guidance? What should I do to protect my health, dignity, and rights while fulfilling my duties as a wife and daughter-in-law?

Answer:
In Islam, marriage is a bond built on love, mercy, and mutual respect, not on oppression or the destruction of one’s mental and physical health. What you have described is a situation where your basic rights as a wife are being neglected, and this is not in line with Islamic teachings.

According to Islamic law (Shari‘ah), one of the fundamental rights of a wife is that her husband provides her with suitable accommodation where she can live independently, away from interference, control, or constant orders from others. This home should be a place where neither his family nor yours resides, unless you willingly and happily agree to live together. The Qur’an commands husbands to provide for their wives: “Lodge them [your wives] where you dwell, according to your means…”(Surah At-Talaq 65:6). Scholars explain this means providing her with a private, secure place that ensures her dignity, comfort, and privacy.

While Islam encourages kindness and respect towards in-laws, there is no legal Shari‘ah obligation upon a wife to serve her husband’s parents or family. Serving them is an act of goodwill (ihsan), not an enforceable duty. Your in-laws have no authority to give you orders or control your daily life. That responsibility lies only within the mutual understanding between you and your husband.

Your husband is commanded to treat you with love and respect: “Live with them in kindness…” (Surah An-Nisa 4:19). He is responsible for protecting you from harm — whether physical, emotional, or mental. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Tirmidhi).

Islam does not require you to destroy your health in the name of fulfilling duties. You are entitled to rest, privacy, and time for personal needs; freedom from constant orders that strip away your peace of mind; and a voice in decisions affecting your life.

You should speak calmly but firmly to your husband about the toll this situation is taking on your health and your Islamic rights, and request independent accommodation, even if modest, so you can live as a wife with dignity, not as a live-in servant. If your husband refuses, you may seek mediation from a trusted scholar, elder, or Islamic counsellor who understands marital rights. If your health and safety remain at risk, Islam permits you to take stronger steps to protect yourself, including living separately until your husband fulfils his obligations.

In short, Islam grants you the right to an independent home, freedom from in-laws’ control, and a marriage built on love, mercy, and respect. Your husband is accountable before Allah to provide you with these rights, and you are not sinful for asking for them.

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