Parental rights and responsibilities when one parent leaves Islām

Parental rights and responsibilities when one parent leaves Islām

By: Dr Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Question:
Assalāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāh,
I have a question regarding parenting and would appreciate some guidance.
A Muslim sister had a child with a revert. After the child was born, the father left Islam and returned to Christianity, so the couple separated. He still sees the child from time to time, but the mother is now considering cutting off all contact between the father and the child.
Her concern is that the father lives in a way that goes against Islam — he eats ḥarām, lives with a woman outside of marriage, and generally does not follow the religion. She fears the influence this might have on her child’s dīn.
What would be the Islamic ruling in this case? Is it more important for the child to maintain a relationship with the father, despite him being Christian, or would it be better for her to restrict contact to protect the child’s faith?

Answer:
Wa ʿalaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh,
This is indeed a delicate and sensitive situation, and it is commendable that guidance is being sought in order to act in a manner pleasing to Allāh and in the best interests of the child.

In Islām, the rights of both parents over their child are well established, and the rights of the child upon his parents are equally emphasised. A child is a trust (amānah) from Allāh, and both parents are accountable for how they fulfil their responsibilities towards him. Even in situations of separation or difference of faith, Islam encourages fairness, compassion, and the maintenance of family ties wherever possible.

If the father is not abusive, violent, or a source of direct physical or psychological harm, then he retains the right to see and spend time with his child. From an Islamic perspective, this is part of maintaining kinship ties (ṣilat al-arḥām), which is something the Qur’ān strongly commands us to uphold. From a practical perspective, having a relationship with both parents is also important for the child’s emotional stability, sense of belonging, and balanced growth. Cutting off all contact without a valid sharʿī reason could cause more harm to the child in the long term, and it may also be a cause of regret later.

At the same time, it is the mother’s sacred duty to raise the child upon Islām. This means nurturing him in faith, teaching him to pray from an early age, instilling the fundamentals of īmān (belief), and guiding him in the manners and etiquettes of a Muslim life. This duty does not diminish because the father has left Islām; on the contrary, it becomes even more vital to strengthen the child’s Islamic identity through consistent teaching, love, and example.

The mother should therefore ensure that the child is surrounded by a healthy Islamic environment:
• Encouraging regular prayers in the home.
• Mixing with practising Muslim families, so the child has the companionship of good Muslim children.
• Allowing the child to see positive examples of practising Muslims in the wider community.
• Creating opportunities for him to learn the Qur’ān, attend Islamic classes, and engage in activities that build pride in his Muslim identity.

This way, even if the child has contact with his father, his foundation will be strong and rooted in Islām. The negative aspects of the father’s lifestyle can be gently explained at an appropriate age, without disrespect, but with wisdom and honesty, so that the child understands right from wrong through the lens of Islām.

Therefore, the balance is as follows: the child should not be deprived of his father, provided that there is no harm, while the mother must put extra effort into cultivating his faith and practice. In the end, guidance is in the hands of Allāh, and our role as parents is to strive with sincerity, love, and wisdom.

May Allāh grant wisdom, patience, and steadfastness, and may He protect the child and raise him as a strong, faithful Muslim.