Balancing marriage and the pursuit of Islamic knowledge

Balancing marriage and the pursuit of Islamic knowledge

by: Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Question:
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh,
I am a regular reader and follower of your articles on the Bangla Facebook page. I have a strong desire to learn dīn and acquire proper Islamic knowledge. Before marriage, I studied in the general line (meaning not Islamic studies, but general/secular education), so I could not pursue this. After marriage, I expressed my wish to my husband, but I do not see much interest from him. Because of his job, he stays in Dhaka, while I live with my in-laws.
In this situation, how can I learn dīn and acquire proper knowledge? And how should my husband play his role in supporting me on this path?
My second question is this: After marriage, since my in-laws have no daughters, and because my husband stays in Dhaka for work, my father- and mother-in-law want me to live with them. How important is it for me to live with my husband? And how reasonable is it for me to stay with my in-laws instead?

Answer:
Wa ʿalaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh,
Jazākillāhu khayran for your important questions. May Allah grant you beneficial knowledge, ease your path towards His pleasure, and bless your marriage with tranquillity and righteousness. I will answer in light of Qur’ān, Sunnah, and the explanations of the scholars.

Seeking knowledge of dīn is a personal obligation (farḍ ʿayn) upon every Muslim man and woman. This includes learning the rules and manners of worship such as ṣalāh, ṣawm, zakāh, and ḥajj, as well as understanding the boundaries of ḥalāl and ḥarām in daily life. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.” (Ibn Mājah) This means that a believer must strive to learn enough of the religion to worship Allah correctly and to live in accordance with His guidance.

For this reason, your desire to learn is praiseworthy, and you will be rewarded for taking steps towards this path. You may begin with authentic resources, both online and in print, focusing on foundational books and verified lectures. It is also advisable to learn from reliable teachers and scholars, to ensure that your understanding is sound.

As for your husband, part of his duty as a Muslim and as your spouse is to assist you in learning your religion. Allah says: “O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…” (Qur’ān 66:6) The commentators explain that this verse obliges a man to safeguard his family by teaching them the dīn or facilitating for them the means to learn. Even if he is preoccupied with his work, he should not neglect this responsibility. His role is to encourage you, make the means available where possible, and not to stand in the way of your pursuit of beneficial knowledge.

Regarding the matter of living arrangements, Islam places immense importance on the marital bond and the companionship between husband and wife. Allah says: “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.” (Qur’ān 30:21)

One of the fundamental rights of the wife is that she resides with her husband in a home where she feels secure, dignified, and has her privacy. The jurists have stated that the husband is obliged to provide his wife with separate accommodation suitable for her, where neither his family nor her family reside, unless she willingly consents to live otherwise. A woman is not required to live with her in-laws if this compromises her comfort or her rights. Serving them is indeed an act of virtue and kindness, and if she chooses to do so, she is rewarded, but it cannot be imposed as an obligation.

The husband, therefore, must seek a balance. While he has duties towards his parents, he also has binding obligations towards his wife. Justice requires that he ensures his wife’s rights are fulfilled, while at the same time maintaining care and support for his parents in an honourable manner.

May Allah grant you steadfastness upon the pursuit of knowledge, bless your husband with wisdom to fulfil his duties towards you and his parents, and make your home a place of mercy and barakah.

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