Finding peace after words uttered in anguish

Finding peace after words uttered in anguish

By: Dr Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Question:
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāh Shaykh,
I seek your guidance in a matter that is causing me deep distress. During my marriage, I would always try to please my husband, but he would often find fault with me. Out of mental anguish, one day while speaking with someone, I became angry and uttered a curse of Allah’s wrath against him. Recently, my husband passed away.
Since then, I feel overwhelmed with guilt — I am grieving his loss, but also tormented by having uttered such a curse. I fear I have committed a grave sin, and my heart finds no peace. I have been regular in my prayers since childhood and even pray Tahajjud, but this matter continues to weigh heavily on me.
I would like to ask:
What can I do now to repent sincerely and be freed from the sin of that utterance?
How can I find peace of mind while carrying both the pain of losing him and the guilt of my words?
Jazākum Allāhu khayran.

Answer:
Wa ʿalaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh,
Dear sister, may Allah ease your grief, grant you tranquillity, and accept your worship. What you are experiencing is a natural combination of grief over the loss of your husband and spiritual anxiety regarding what you uttered. Let us look at this matter carefully in light of the Qur’ān and the teachings of the Prophet ﷺ.

In principle, cursing another Muslim is not permissible, for the Prophet ﷺ said: “Cursing a believer is like killing him.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim). This is because a curse implies asking Allah to remove His mercy from that person. However, the Qur’ān makes an exception for those who have been wronged. Allah says: “Allah does not love that evil should be uttered in public, except by one who has been wronged.” (al-Nisā’ 4:148)

The scholars explain that a person who suffers injustice is allowed to express his or her anger and even make duʿā’ against the wrongdoer, provided it does not exceed the bounds of justice. In your case, you were under distress and wronged in your marital life, so your utterance falls within what Allah has permitted.

You should remove this burden from your heart. Life and death belong to Allah alone: “It is Allah who gives life and causes death; and Allah sees what you do.” (Āl ʿImrān 3:156)

Many people curse in moments of anger, and nothing happens as a result. If a person dies, it is only because Allah decreed their appointed time, not because of someone’s words. So, you are not responsible in any way for your husband’s passing.

Even though your duʿā’ was allowed, the higher station in Islam is forgiveness. Allah praises those who pardon: “…and those who restrain anger and pardon people – and Allah loves the doers of good.” (Āl ʿImrān 3:134)

If you now forgive your husband for the wrongs he did to you, then in shā’ Allāh that will be a means of mercy for him in his grave, and even greater reward for you. This act of forgiveness will also help release your heart from the weight of guilt and grief.

What you should do now is repent to Allah with humility, even if you are not sinful in this case. Tawbah is always light for the heart. Make duʿā’ for your husband that Allah forgives him, grants him mercy, and overlooks his shortcomings. This is the best gift a believer can give the deceased. Continue your good works, your ṣalāh, your remembrance of Allah, and give sadaqah. These deeds will strengthen your soul and bring peace to your heart. Try to let go of guilt and replace it with hope in Allah’s mercy. Remember that the Prophet ﷺ taught us that no believer should die except with good thoughts of Allah.

In sum, cursing is generally not allowed, but Allah has permitted it for the one who has been wronged. Your husband’s death was not caused by your words; life and death are in Allah’s hands. You are not sinful for what happened, but forgiveness is the higher virtue and beloved to Allah. Continue as a believer in worship and obedience, and ask Allah to forgive both you and your late husband.

May Allah fill your heart with peace, grant your husband mercy, and accept from you your patience and worship.

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