The Family

The Family

By: Dr Mohammad Akram Nadwi
Oxford

Let us begin from the clear statement that male and female have same humanity, they come from a single soul. The differences between humanbeings – like different colours, different languages and different genders – are permitted and created by God so that we can know each other. It follows from the Oneness of the Creator that all His human creatures have the same responsibility of worship and obedience, and can expect same recompense for how they do. Again it is explicit in the Qur’an that man and women not denied their reward in after life.

That said, there are differences in the appearance and disposition male and female. These differences are directly related to their parental responsibilities. The same is true of most animals, where the parenting roles are very different, the differences in body size and temperament are considerable, where the parenting roles are very similar it is usually very difficult to tell straight away male from female.

The aim of parenting is to prepare the next generation to take up their roles and responsibilities in societies. The investment of society and parents in preparing the next generation is longer and greater than for any creation. In most cases it can last upto 20 years. Self-evidently given this huge investment, unless the socio-economic conditions are exceptionally easy, the roles of the parents have to be distinct. Normally, the male provides the resources and protects the mother and their children, usually at great cost and risk to himself. The mother meanwhile invests in securing the physical and emotional nurture of the children. The presence and concern of both parents is essential to achieve attachment and self-confidence. Children need to be loved, to be identified by their parents and near kins, so that they have the courage to make their way in the world.

It is important to distinguish disposition from aptitude. Men and women have more or less the same aptitude for the necessary mental and physical tasks they face in life. Women are not less capable of abstract thought, or less capable of organizing or managing their own or other people’s affairs. However, the difference in disposition tends to make most women prefer situations and responsibilities involving other people rather than things or systems.

By disposition, women are better than men at interpreting feelings, signs which show feelings. Again by disposition, women tend to prefer to resolve dispute peacefully rather than fight, to co-operate rather than compete. It should be obivious that their disposition is suited to having children and looking after them, making sure of the resources they need to survive and thrive. Men by contrast have to compete against other men, on behalf of their women and children. Men almost always identify with the interest of their dependents, rather than their friends. A man will instinctively rush to defend even a strange woman from danger or from other men: he will not identify with other men.

In line with these differences of disposition, the man is expected to act as the head of the family or his dependents. The ‘qiwamah’ accorded to men (father, brother and husband) is explicitly connected to get resources and give them their wives and children and other dependents. No such responsibility is placed on women. The right of a husband to discipline his wife follows from his responsibility for her and children. This authority can be abused just as authority in any situation can be abused by whoever has it.

The reason men and women are equal more or less in aptitude in so that they can understand each others responsibilities and dispositions and when need arises to take each other’s place. A man is not forbidden to be tender and considerate, or to share his wife’s work in the home.

As in all situations the example for Muslims to follow is the Messenger of God and best of his Companions. The humanity of all humanbeings is not a theoratical notion in Islam, rather it is given concrete expression in law. For example the right to property is an essential condition and expression of the ability to act in the world. That is one reason why women, though they have no obligation to provide for the dependents, nevertheless must be given half the share of inheritors allocated to men who do have that obligation.

Similarly the Qur’an requires the men speak to the families of slave women they wish to marry. That is a recognition of their dignity. The specific allocations of inheritance are restricted to near relatives, but the Qur’an explicitly reminds believers to remember the other in need, both kin and stranger, at the time of division. The belonging to common humanity and the One God is constant there throughout the Qur’an and the teachings of the Prophet.

The Qur’an is very clear about the importance of family life for the upbringing of good Muslim adults and children. It is a necessary process for testing and improving personality and character.

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